I am not a selfish prick for being a parent

     I know it's been a while since I posted anything, but that's because lately I've been doing other things that matter to me as much as my writing.  Today's post is a rebuttal specifically to this post, and generally to this post, both written by Childfreeeee.  From what I can tell, this blogger has chosen not to have children and is tired of the "child-centric" society we live in.  Apparently she feels that having children makes you less of a person because you are focused solely on raising that child, and that having children means you hate the environment (referencing both posts that I linked above).
     Before I get too in-depth into my rebuttal, I would first like to respond openly to one commenter on the first post.  Her comment reads:
     "As always, I agree completely! Very well said! I love that you mentioned the childfree being excellent at conversation. I was stuck with a bunch of women with kids at a party last weekend and all they talked about was pics of their kids and different child photographers. Dull! They were so involved and selfish about it, they didn't even notice I was there. Or so it seemed. I have witnessed the selfishness of parents so many times. They feel they deserve more and take priority because 'we have kids'."
     To which I have to respond: You were at a gathering where the majority of the attendees were parents, and you expected the topic of their children to not come up?  Seriously?  Since you obviously didn't like the conversation, did you at least try to come up with a topic that was relevant to all of your interests, or did you just sit there and silently sulk to yourself?  Whenever I'm at a gathering and I find the conversation dull, I try to interject conversation that is relevant to all of our interests.  If I'm being ignored at a gathering despite my best efforts and I no longer feel welcome, I leave.  If you absolutely find talk of others' children that abhorrent, don't attend events where parents will be present.  If you absolutely have to, then try to be a polite guest and join in the conversation with a topic that is relevant to every one.  If you can't find one, then obviously you need to find a set of friends who you have more in common with.
     There, my bitching is done.  On to the rebuttal!
     The very first point in the first post I linked was "the myth that until a person becomes a parent, s/he doesn't know what love is and doesn't know what it means to be a giving, selfless person."  I honestly agree with this.  It's an utter load of horse manure that a person can't know true love without being a parent.  I know many people who for one reason or another don't have children, and they are all normal, healthy, sane, caring, giving people.  Love, to be blunt, is a set of chemical reactions in your brain tied to specific memories and events that all tie together to form a feeling you get.  It is entirely possible, and even probable, that a person will know love prior to ever becoming a parent.  The reverse is true, too.  It's possible to be a parent and not know true love.  It all depends on your experiences prior to either event happening.  Were you raised in a home with parents who cared for you, supported you, and made sure that you knew the difference between right and wrong?  Then you knew true love right off the bat.  Did you or do you have a friend that no matter what happens, you'll be there for them?  You know true love.  I could fill a book with the examples that don't entail being a parent.  As a father, I can honestly say that since my child was born out of the love that my wife and I share, and that I would do anything to ensure his well-being, I love him.
     However there were a few points which I have to disagree with both in the first and second posts.  The first of those is that you state that it is not selfless to meet one's responsibilities.  It depends on the circumstances.  I am obligated by law and my own moral code to feed, clothe, educate, and not be negligent to the recipient of my wife's and my genetic material.  However, I am not obligated in any way, shape or form to do more than that.  But I do, because I love my son.  I love watching the smile on this face when he mimics something that I do, or when he does something completely on his own that his little baby brain finds amazing.  I read to my son because it brings him joy.  Sure, I could just put him in his playpen and play video games, watch movies, etc, but I willingly postpone things I enjoy doing until he is asleep or having quality mommy time so that I can spend quality time with him to ensure he knows that his daddy loves him very much.  You also state that a truly selfless person looks around, identifies problems that existing people have and gives of themselves to help them.  Is it impossible for me to be selfless as a father and as a person in general?  I think not, as my primary job is an unpaid one where I volunteer my time to assist those with problems.  I don't seem to have an issue balancing being a caring father and a resource guide to those in need.  I know at least 150 more people who are in the same boat I am that have that issue either.  Therefore I submit that your statement that meeting your responsibilities is not selfless is false if it is applied to everyone in general.
     You also state that parents are in many ways more selfish than non-parents, and that non-parents are in many ways more selfless.  I'll state right now that my wife and I chose to become parents because we wanted a child.  It's as simple as that.  We're both healthy, young, adults who are compatible with each other in pretty much every way that there can be, and we decided to turn our love for each other into a child.  Did my son ask to be born?  No.  Will he regret the life we've given him?  Only time will tell, but hopefully not.  Did we decide to have a baby because we wanted a miniature version of ourselves running around the house?  HELL no.  It is our intent to introduce our son to art, literature, history, science, music, and a myriad of other subjects.  And when he starts showing signs of critical thinking, we're going to start asking him to make decisions about what he likes.  If he likes something we do, great.  If not, also great, because it means that he is capable of choosing for himself.  If my son decides he doesn't like sports, I'm not going to shove them down his throat.  I might be disappointed that he doesn't want to watch football or play catch with me, but I will try to encourage his other interests and take an interest in what he does, even if it's not something I personally find interesting.  So tell me again how that's selfish of me?  And just because I have a child it doesn't mean that I won't be able to advance in my chosen field or spend time doing things I enjoy.  Yes, I will have to plan more carefully, but that is a choice I made when my wife and I decided to bring a child into this world.  Having a child means that I will have to work harder in order to get noticed at work.  Having a child might mean that I have to go through a complicated scheduling dance to spend time with friends if they want to do an adults only activity, but I had to do that before I had a child due to the nature of the field that I used to, and will in the future, work in.  There's no change there.  If a friend truly needs me, then they won't mind if I bring my son along.  I'm capable of entertaining my son while a friend get's his/her car fixed.  Not only that, but I ENJOY entertaining my son.  And if I get to do so while helping someone else, so much the better.
     You state that those without children are better employees.  Not in my book.  If you're a good parent, you're also good at time management.  You have to be able to make dinner and pay attention to your child at the same time.  You have to be able to talk on the phone while paying attention to your child.
People without children are better conversationalists?  HA!  Where did you hear that?  In my circle of friends, I'd say that about 85% of them have children.  When any number of us get together, the topics usually cover a wide range of things, and -gasp- most of them aren't child related!  Sports?  Check.  Current events?  Check.  Politics?  You got it.  New art exhibit?  Only if it's something we're interested in seeing.  Best beaches on the island?  Always.  New technology?  That is almost always a topic of conversation because we're all technophiles in one way or another.  Gossip about our different jobs, interesting anecdotes, funny stories, pretty much nothing is taboo as a topic of conversation.  And yes, we talk about our children too, because everyone in my circle of friends loves their children.
     I also want to point out that you said being parents makes married couples less happy because they aren't able to fully love, support, and appreciate their spouses.  Really?  Since becoming parents, both my wife and I have grown closer than we were pre-parenthood.  I don't know, maybe we're an oddity.  Except that I know lots of people who seem to have grown closer as well since having children.  Having a child is a bonding experience for couples.  You get to see sides of your partner that you never knew existed.  If your relationship is strong, you grow closer for having seen those facets of their personality.  If not, then yes, your relationship will be put under strain.  How you deal with that strain is up to you though.
     In the second post I linked, you give 100 reasons not to have kids.  While a small few are valid points, the bulk of that list is for selfish reasons.  Be able to veg on the couch all weekend and not be judged?  Really?  Be able to eat what you want, when you want?  Not have to sit through "school-related drudgery?"  Those sound like selfish reasons to me.  So what if I am interested in how my child does in school?  Just because that doesn't sound interesting to you, that does not mean it isn't to me.  Be able to indulge in your interests without distraction?  I may not be a masters level chef, but I enjoy cooking, and am somehow able to produce different, interesting and delightful dishes each night, all while entertaining a child.  Watching TV shows or movies without constant interruption?  Doesn't seem to be a problem.  I may not get to watch House when it airs each week, but I do get to watch it uninterrupted.  So what if I don't get to go to a movie on opening night.  I didn't do that before we had a child, so what challenge does that pose.  Doesn't this post almost completely invalidate your thought that those without children are more selfless?  I guess it just depends on your perspective.
     Wrapping up, I applaud you for making the choice not to have children.  It proves that you are a rational, sane human being capable of making your own choices.  However I think it unfair of you to demonize people for choosing to have children.  Responsible child bearing will not contribute to societal decay or the over-population of our planet.  Responsible parents don't drive gas-guzzlers.  Responsible, caring, loving parents raise children that might one day be running this country, or be the doctor who saves your life, or even be the nice orderly in your retirement community who brings you fresh flowers every week because it makes you happy.  And sure, some parents can be over bearing, because most parents tend to think of their children as precious little unique snowflakes that everyone should cherish.  Polite parents don't shove their kids down everyone's throat though.  So before you make generalizations about how having kids ruins parents, please take into account that there are parents who are perfectly happy, and capable of contributing to their communities, work places, and the general betterment of everyone around them.